Cash gift or in-kind gift? (#38, Topic K)

The question-and-answer column in American newspapers' society section is a valuable source, for me, to learn about customs and/or matters of concern to well-to-do members of the society. Yesterday, in Washington Post, a mother, on behalf of her soon-to-be-a-graduate daughter, asked, in effect: In the graduation announcement, is it ok to "tastefully" ask that gifts be in a form suitable for her "future home" trust? This carefully worded letter evoked, uncharacteristically, a most violent response from the usually genteel columnist: "No one, no matter how fond of your daughter, wants to buy her a house.... You would get the prize [for being the greediest and the rudest]." For an old man out of China, I beg to differ. What is wrong with cash gifts? How many pen-and-pencil sets should a graduate have? Or, in weddings, how many pot-and-pan sets should a bride have? I always thought that, in a capitalistic society such as the USA, the dollar rules, but this appears to be not so. In China, only relatives give in-kind gifts; friends and acquaintances send cash -- it is easier, both to the sender and to the recipient. Indeed, in China, wedding gifts, in cash, are invariably used to pay for wedding banquets -- else, how can an average father of the groom host a wedding banquet of 80 or more tables (meaning 800-1000 guests)? (In China, it is the father of the groom who picks the tab).
Posted at 11:53 am, Thursday, January 19, 2006